Guest Post by Cherise Young

Around this time in recent years, I’ve found myself reflecting deeply on loss and grief.

In 2020, I wrote about feeling weary from the global pandemic – the isolation, collective loss, and traumatic experiences that seemed to permeate every aspect of our lives. But 2022 brought a different kind of weight. Over just a few months, my family experienced multiple losses: a grandmother, an aunt, and most profoundly, my youngest brother.

Losing my brother shook me to my core. It challenged everything – my emotions, my faith, my understanding of life and loss.

I had prayed for his healing, without the typical caveat some use about God’s will. I wanted him whole and alive. I wanted my nephew to still have his father, especially after having lost his mother just years before. The morning after his passing, my nephew’s words still echo in my mind: “I just saw him last night. I didn’t think that would be the last time I’d see him.”

Through this journey, I’ve learned several crucial lessons about grief that I hope might help others navigating their own paths of loss.

Feel What You Feel, For As Long As You Feel It

One of the most important things I tell my clients is that sorrow is personal. Since my brother’s death, I’ve experienced a rollercoaster of emotions – sadness, anger, confusion, disbelief. Instead of trying to justify how I “should” feel, I decided to feel exactly what I was feeling in the moment.

Most experts agree that “normal” grief experiences come in waves and can last up to a year. If you’re experiencing grief in month 13 the same way you were in week 12, you might be dealing with complicated grief – but that’s a conversation for another time.

Have an Intact Support System

One silver lining in our losses has been experiencing the incredible support of friends and family. Despite being spread across the country, technology has helped us stay connected. Sometimes it takes a death to reveal just how loved and interconnected we truly are.

Dealing with grief is challenging enough. Believing you must handle everything alone only deepens the pain. Allow others to support you. When they ask what you need, be honest. Even if they don’t ask, share how you’re feeling.

I focus on the idea of interdependency with my clients. In healthy relationships, we recognize there are times we give support and times we need to receive it.

Be Open to Difficult Conversations

We often avoid challenging discussions out of a desire to protect others’ emotions. We hesitate to ask, “How are you dealing with everything?” because we know the answer can change daily. Yet, these are often the very conversations that need to happen.

When losing a loved one, difficult topics might include burial insurance, funeral services, caring for belongings and surviving children, unexpected travel expenses – all while managing intense emotions.

Stick with a Familiar Routine

Routine can be a lifeline during grief. When my mother passed, I gave my daughter the choice to attend a school function or travel with the family. Family members didn’t understand, but I wanted to respect her grieving process.

For you, sticking to a routine might mean returning to work, continuing exercise, or simply maintaining basic self-care like regular meals and bedtimes. This isn’t about avoiding grief, but about creating stability. Death is disruptive, and routine helps us remain grounded, prioritize tasks, and find small successes.

Understanding the Complexity of Grief

If you take away one thing, remember this: the grieving experience is different for everyone. Factors like the nature of your relationship with the deceased, whether the death was unexpected, and your personal emotional landscape all influence how you mourn.

It’s crucial to distinguish between grieving and depression. Grief comes in waves, allowing moments of connection and even joy. Depression is a constant feeling of despair and hopelessness.

Final Thoughts

There is no greater grief than your own. While I’ve shared my observations, everyone’s journey is unique. Grief is not about “getting over” a loss, but learning to carry it with you.

I’m still learning, still healing. And that’s okay.

What has been your experience with grief and loss? I’d love to hear your story.

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